When people first discover Tikkun Farm they often ask me “What do you produce?” They want to know what kind of vegetables we grow, or if we sell our chickens.
But we are not that kind of farm. Our mission is healing. Repair. We strive to create experiences of belonging.
Our mission is similar to any spiritual community. We hope people who come to our farm come to know they are beloved. But when most people come to our farm for the first time, that is not what they are looking for.
Most people who come are hungry. They are looking for food. Much of Tikkun Farm’s work feeds people. About 300 families a week shop in our Free Market which provides food support to about 45,00 people a year. Most of the youth in our job training program come from food insecure homes. We feed them two meals a day. We try to offer a cooking on a budget class four times a year, to teach heads of households how to prepare good meals using ingredients they can get for free from our free market.
For an organization whose mission is to create experiences that help people come to know they are loved, we spend a lot of our resources filling bellies. What’s the connection? How do we get from filling bellies, to healing hearts?
There is a story from the Christian tradition that encourages me as I consider how to help people on the farm transition from seeking food for their bodies to seeking food for their souls.
It turns out Jesus wrestled with the same question. After spending an afternoon feeding 5000 people, Jesus stepped away to pray. The next morning, when the crowd realized he had left while they were sleeping they got in their boat to chase him down. When they find him, Jesus challenges them. “You are looking for me, not because you grasped the spiritual lessons I was trying to teach you, but because you ate your fill of the loaves.”
Jesus hoped that while filling their bellies, he could also deepen their awareness of belovedness. But that’s a hard transition to make. In fact, it‘s work!
Jesus challenged the people of his community to engage in this kind of spiritual work. “Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food fills your life with love” he told them.
To their credit, the crowd shows some curiosity about the work of learning about love. “What must we do to perform the works of Love?” Jesus answered them, “This is the work of Love, that you trust me to teach you about love.”
I find this statement remarkable. Our most important sacred work is TRUSTING we are loved. And in learning to trust we are loved, we learn to love.
I also love the honesty of this statement. It takes work to TRUST.
Trusting is not something we can “think” our way into. Trusting grows through the accumulation of sacred experiences.
We must invest time.
We must engage in practices.
We must “do” things.
I think of Jo. She grew up in a Christian church. She went to Sunday School. She became a Sunday School teacher. She would say she loved God. But she found herself spiritually restless. Wanting something “more” but not knowing what, or how to get it. Some people where she worked shared about a spiritual group
they had been going to every week. It was a big time commitment, but they loved it. They were learning to see Love in their life more and more.
Jo wanted what they were experiencing, and wondered if their community would allow her to join one of their groups. The next spiritual group that started welcomed her. Every week they were encouraged to share a “Sacred Moment”, a time when they sensed Love’s presence. At first it felt hard. Jo wasn’t used to thinking about God this way, looking for Love’s presence in her every day life. But it got easier the more she did it. She realized Love was in her life everywhere, she just hadn’t noticed it before.
This was part of Jo’s new “work”. Noticing Love’s presence in a conversation with her daughter, in the way a project at work went well, in the connection she felt with her partner cooking dinner.
Then she began noticing Spirit’s “nudges”. To call a friend. To ask a certain question when talking to her colleague. To go for a walk when she felt anxious.
Then she noticed how she felt better after her walk. How her work relationship improved after asking that question. How she called her friend just when her friend needed to talk about a recent doctor’s visit. As Jo listened to these nudges, and acted on them, she was learning to TRUST. This was sacred “work”.
A few months later, as Jo walked along the beach she felt “nudged” to pick up a certain shell. So she did. A few steps farther, she felt “nudged” to pick up another one. She picked that one up too. All along her walk, she felt Spirit “nudging” her to pick up shell after shell. And then, one at a time, to put them back on the sand.
When she shared this experience with me later, she told me, “It almost felt like Spirit was testing me. Seeing if I was listening, and if I would act on the nudge I felt. It didn’t seem to be about the shells, but just about doing what I was asked to do.”
This was sacred “work”. Jo was learning to TRUST in Love. Jo learned later, it was sacred practice, for a much harder work.
When Jo was little, her older brother had sexually abused her. It made participating in family events very hard. She had to “steel” herself to go, and then avoided being near him. She made sure she kept her daughter away from him. After joining the discipleship group, Jo felt “nudged” to talk to a counselor about her childhood abuse. It was hard, dredging up buried feelings of shame, fear, anger. She realized how much her current relationships, and even the way she worked, were shaped by her abuse. As she processed this experience with her counselor, she noticed she felt more relaxed, at home, in her parenting, at work, with her friends. This “secret’ in her life, began to heal.
This was sacred “work”. Jo was learning to TRUST in Love.
But then the BIG “nudge” came. Spirit wanted her to reach out to her brother.
She could not imagine doing this. Just thinking about it brought on an anxiety attack. In her counselor’s office, Jo practiced reaching out. She imagined how she would reach out. What she would say. What he might say. How she could respond. Each time she practiced it lowered her anxiety.
This was sacred “work”. Jo was learning to TRUST in Love.
Finally the day came. Jo called her brother. Asked if they could visit. She expected a hostile ‘no’. He surprised her with a gentle ‘yes’. They set a date.
This created a whole new anxiety. She really would need to see him. She practiced a whole new round of conversations with her counselor. How she would set boundaries so she felt safe. What she would say, or not say. How she would know she needed to leave.
This was sacred “work”. Jo was learning to TRUST in Love.
She called me the day of the visit. She wanted me to pray with her before she went in. She was in her car, parked outside his house. I remember it so well. I was driving down some interstate. Someone was in the car with me. I pulled over on the shoulder, and got out, so I could pray with Jo privately.
I thanked Spirit for her incredible courage. Her willingness to listen, even though it terrified her. For all the ways Love had been with her on this healing journey. That Love would be with now. With her brother. In the conversation. That Love would give Jo the words she needed. And her brother an openness to hear them. That Love would bring healing for both of them.
Jo sobbed as I prayed. And then we took some deep breaths. Jo settled herself. I heard the quiet resolve in her voice. And I sent her on her way in Love.
This was sacred “work”. Jo and I both were learning to TRUST in Love.
Later that day, Jo called me weeping. She couldn’t believe it. Her brother did not get mad. He did not deny what happened. He did not make it her fault. He thanked her. He felt so relieved. Finally, his secret was out too. He had lived with the crushing weight of having done this terrible thing for decades. Finally he could talk about it. He could apologize, without fear that she would hate him.
Their conversation turned to their shared childhood. Jo learned that their mother, in her own depression, and addiction, had abused her brother. And he had done to Jo, what had been done to him. Fear and hostility melted into compassion and understanding. The conversation helped set them both free.
This was sacred “work”. They both were learning to TRUST in Love.
This practice of TRUSTING in Love, took YEARS! Jo’s visit with her brother, was the culmination of many smaller practices that accumulated over time, making such a huge risk possible.
This is what a sacred life looks like. It begins with bread for the belly. Love meets our physical, human needs. And then invites us to a more sacred feast, that lives within us.
Jo’s practice of looking for “Sacred Moments” launched her deeper journey. She first looked for where Love was “feeding” her physical needs. Something as simple as a parking spot on a day she was rushed to get the grocery shopping done. Or the unexpected cancellation of a meeting on a day she didn’t feel well. Once she saw Love at work in those ordinary moments, she could sense the “nudges” that led her into a deeper healing journey.
We may not have experienced the kind of childhood trauma Jo survived. But our sacred journey follows the same path.
It begins by noticing Love at work in our every day life. Where Love meets us in our physical, human needs. This is where sacred trust begins. This is where we begin to see we are beloved. Only then can we learn to notice Spirit’s nudges towards the deeper work. Like Spirit asking me to write a letter to a person who’s relationship with me has been broken for more than decade. Or someone else feeling “nudged” to practice more financial generosity, rather live in fear they won’t have enough. Or a couple feeling “nudged” to call a counselor because their marriage feels more angry than nurturing.
This is sacred “work”. This is how we learning to TRUST in Love.
And when we act on these “nudges” and discover more peace, experience forgiveness, realize we are less afraid, or resentful, or full of shame… Then we are feasting on the “bread of life”. We have made the transition from bread for bellies, to healing for hearts.
This is the sacred journey. It’s a path littered with acts of TRUST, accumulating over time into the sacred work of learning to live in Love.
Questions for Reflection
- When have you noticed Love offering your bread for your belly… meeting your physical needs?
- When have you risked listening to a sacred “nudge”? What happened?
- What experiences have helped you trust Love more?